This one is mainly for me to let out all the things going through my head that I’ve kept in the past couple of months, haven’t wrote anything on here for too long and I’m defo making myself feel 10 times worse by not writing anything, as I am definitely happier when I’m writing these blogs. And just a reminder to whoever is reading this (if anyone does lol) to open up about how you’re feeling if you’re feeling down, as I’ve made myself worse by not talking about things these past couple of months!
Even though I am in a much better place than I have been in the past, and a lot stronger than I was this time last year, I am still struggling with my mental health a lot. It took me so much to admit to myself the past couple of months that I am struggling, as I know I’ve come so far and whenever I have a bad day I get worried that I’m not allowed to feel that way anymore, as I’m a lot better and not as ill as I used to be. Reality is you will always have bad days, and that is okay!! I now know I have come so far, and just because I have a bad day it does not mean that I’ve gone back to that bad place again and how I deal with the bad days is the most important, and having a bad day does not take away your progress of how far you’ve come. I look at it like the way I deal with bad days or certain situations in my life now, compared to when my mental illness was at its worst, is so different, and that’s how I know how far I’ve come and that I’m still getting better even if I have bad days. So many days recently I’ve not wanted to move from my bed, or speak to anyone, but getting out of bed in itself on days has made me feel so much better (even if its just to the kitchen to make myself food). I kept myself so busy the months before Christmas that I forgot about how I’m really feeling inside, so coming back to uni recently and having so much spare time I’ve had so much time to think about stuff, and realise how hurt I am about certain things and actually accept that I’m feeling this way instead of brushing it off and ignoring how I’m feeling! And I’ve learnt not to keep it all in, because thats what I have done for far too long and it all just builds up and then you don’t know how to deal with all your emotions all at once (I learnt the hard way). In some ways I am so much more open about my mental health and can talk about it so openly which has helped me come to terms with many things in my life, such as being in hospital from an overdose, which is something I struggled to talk about for such a long time after it happened. So many things have happened the past couple of months which would have completely broke me in the past, and in a way they really have, but feel like the way I used to deal with things in the past was to cry for days on end, self harm and just go into self destruct mode. The way I have been dealing with things the past months have been so different, and many times I’ve wanted to go back to that place where i’d just hide away and break my own heart with they way i’d deal with things, but a lot of these things that happened were really out of my control, and instead of beating myself up about things I can’t change, I now try to see what I can learn from it and it really has made me stronger. Some of these things that have happened still hurt and break my heart every single day and some things at this moment of time I don’t know how I’ll ever get over. BUT time heals everything!!!! And I look at it like how I’ve dealt with my mental illness the past 8/9 years. There were so many times when I thought I wouldn’t make it through, then I have such amazing moments and memories where I remember thinking to myself ‘life is amazing and I’m so glad I didn’t give up’, and thats something I try to focus on. Right now I just feel sad constantly, not crying sad, but just proper empty, but I know that I will be able to get through it like I have all the other hard times!!! Even if I’m having less good days than bad in a certain week, I try so hard to focus on the good days and the good days are my motivation to get through all the bad days!! Life is STRESSFUL. Especially in your 20’s when you have no clue what you want to do with you life (me lol.). Uni is HARD, getting a degree is HARD (Especially when you realise in your third year that you hate your degree and don’t have any motivation to do anything to do with it anymore cause you don’t want anything to do with it after lol). What I’ve realised recently is that I am still so young!!!! Even though I keep saying how old 22 is, I’m still actually a baby, I have soooo much time to figure out what I want to do with my life, and even if I have no clue what I want to do with my life after uni THAT IS OK! I’ve realised I need to stop rushing life, enjoy what is going on in the moment, stop putting too much pressure on myself!!!! What is meant to be will be. Growing up is SHIT! But the people around you help you through it, and you help YOURSELF through it!!! I would not have got through half the shit I’ve been through without myself! And I’ve realised through everything, especially these past couple of months that I am so much stronger than I realise. Things will happen in life which you don’t expect them too, and its the shittiest thing ever, but no matter how long it takes, days, weeks, months, you get through it!!! Lol look at me with all this life advice I struggle to take myself, it is easier said than done always, but promise you will surprise yourself in every situation x
What I’ve realised is when I write these things I start with letting out how I’ve been feeling and shit, then by the end of it I’m writing about how strong I am and how I can get through it???? If thats not a good example of why talking about how you’re feeling is a good idea then idk what is- promise it helps, no matter what way you chose to do it!!! Speak to someone, write a diary, make a blog, whatever you’re most comfortable doing, it helps!
Hope u enjoy the rant and life advice, but now I defo feel better for talking about it x
Gee's Mental Health 