(To read the vile things people said to me you’ll have to click on the images and go through them, promise I didn’t just put up a load of blurry words)
This is 10000% for me the most important blog I’ve done so far. The messages above are some of the many messages I used to receive on my ask.fm account when I was 15, yes 15 years old!!!!! When I went through this account tonight before deleting it, I cried reading some of these things people would say to me, not because I was upset about the things people were saying now, but thinking of the girl I was when I was 15 and how she must have felt to receive all this hate when all she was doing was trying to grow up as a normal teenager, whilst experiencing horrible mental health issues for the first time, trying to figure out what was going on in her own head. When I was this age, I know for a fact I was an annoying teenager, made some silly choices, and got involved in some things that I shouldn’t have, but no matter how much of a teenager I was at times I know I wasn’t a bad person, I just didn’t show my emotions in the right way (I was 15 and learning!!!), my 15 year old self did not deserve all this hate she got and I would never in a million years even dream to sit there behind a computer thing to say some of the things that were said to me back then, not even to my worst enemy. Social media can be such a horrible place sometimes, and I know that back then I did not cope with the things that were being said, I was so weak and such a broken person, and still to this day I look back and I still think of the things that were said to me, certain things stick in your brain for a very long time and when people continuously say these things to you, when you’re at such a young vulnerable age as well, you definitely start to believe them. I am a completely different person now and things like that don’t affect me anymore, but I know for a fact that back then, I hated myself more than anything in the world and I always used to say that no one would ever hate me as much as I hate myself and it breaks my heart that I spent so much time with that horrible mindset.
The one saying that I look like something from wallace and gromit has stuck in my head ever since, I remember when I saw it and I just sat and cried. I can guarantee that most of this hate I received was not from anyone who knew me personally, just people who know of me, never properly spoke to me and are just going off what they heard from other people. I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life being misunderstood, people who don’t know me have this opinion of me and just go off what they’ve heard or meeting me once when drunk or how I’ve reacted in situations that they know absolutely nothing about. People don’t get to know you personally and think they know everything about you and your business from what they’ve been told and decide that to them, that’s who you are. I used to struggle with this so much, but now I’ve grown to realise that the only peoples opinions who matter to me are the ones close to me, my amazing family and friends, the people who know the real me love me for the person they know personally, and know who I am as a person. I’ve actually lost count of the amount of times in my life that people have said things to me such as ‘You’re actually so different to what I’ve heard’, ‘You’re so much nicer than what I thought you were going to be like’, ‘You’re actually a really nice person’, ‘I’ve heard a lot about you’ (and go on to say how the things they’ve heard are not all good lol) etc. and I’m so fed up of hearing it!!!!!! No ones perfect and everyone makes mistakes in life but your mistakes do not define you! It took me a v long time to accept that and now I do I’m finally so happy within myself. If I could go back and tell my 15 year old self not to believe everything she was being told she was by all these people hiding behind a computer screen, I really would.
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Gee's Mental Health 