No clue what to call this one as I currently have so many thoughts running around my head and using this one just to let out all these thoughts as they are driving me mad!!!!!!! And I have no clue where to even start!!! The main thing in my head at the moment is that there is only so much one person can take, and its really not hard to be kind!
I’ve started to question myself so much over this journey that I’m on as I’m getting better, I’ve been so used to being so depressed and anxious for such a long period of my life and now that I’m feeling so much better (most days), I’m like is it normal to feel this okay??? Like am I supposed to be feeling this happy, is this a normal feeling?? And it sounds so stupid to be saying it! This process is so hard and I spend so much time questioning my progress, when I’m feeling so happy I’m like am I supposed to be feeling like this and when I have bad days I’m like I’m not supposed to be having bad days I’m better now??? Its all very confusing and is a lot for my small brain to take in but what I’m trying to do is trust in this journey that I’m taking, I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and I’m already a different person to who I was before and I just need to keep going, which the past few weeks I have found actually so difficult to do. There’s something about this time of year that always makes me feel down every single year!!! But whenever I feel bad I try to look at all the good days I’ve had compared to the bad days and there’s honestly such a difference. I used to struggle to deal with so many little things that were happening day to day, if one bad thing was to happen I’d completely break down and decide that the rest of the week is going to be shit because of it whereas now I don’t even realise half of the things happening that I used to struggle so much to deal with. I look back and I think how in certain situations before I would not have dealt with things the way I did and it makes me realise how far I’ve come!
One thing that I’ve realised recently is how hard everything is in life at this age at it is, and trying to deal with all the different changes in life and growing up on top of having issues like mental health to deal with on top of it is actually crazy hard. Like we’re at the age where people are having babies, getting engaged/married, leaving uni and going into full time (adult!!!!!) work (scary lol no thanks), learning how to deal with money and being able to afford things, living on their own for the first time and being an adult basically!!! It actually terrifies me as I have no clue what I want to do with my life after uni and I just feel so lost with where I should be with my life. When you’re trying to deal with these things it is hard enough, but when you’ve also got people around you trying to bring you down for no reason around you, it makes it so much more hard. What I’ve realised is that the people trying to bring you down are the people who know nothing about you, and think they know you because they know of you or have ‘heard’ things from other people. You should not have to explain yourself to people who love to see you down constantly! It actually baffles me how there are people out there who enjoy seeing you like that. It’s really not hard to be kind! Leave people who you don’t know personally alone and get on with your own life! Words hurt so much more than you could ever imagine, just be nice to people!!! People are fighting their own battles, which you know nothing about, and you have no idea of the effect you can have on an individual by just being unnecessarily nasty. Its the people who don’t know you personally, or don’t take the time to know you personally, that have the most opinions on you, and it baffles me how people have so many opinions on things that they know nothing about. I think the saying ‘Don’t take anything personal from someone who doesn’t know you personally’ is so important, but it is also very hard to go by when you’re constantly being brought down.
I’m the luckiest girl to have the most amazing family and friends who know who I am and will always be there for me whenever I need them and I genuinely don’t know what I’d do without these people around me supporting me through everything.
Just needed this one to go on a massive rant and feel like I might try to write on this blog at least once a week because I already feel so much better by letting all of this out and it has such a positive effect on my mental health when I’m writing about it constantly instead of keeping it all bottled up for too long.
Nobody’s perfect but please just be kind! Everyone’s fighting their own battles and it’s hard enough as it is without having to deal with all the hearsay going on around them as well.
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Gee's Mental Health 